The Ram 2500 Airport Rental
An Adventure In Minneapolis
It’s been a minute since I rented a car from one of the giant airport agencies. There’s so many and they all seem to be the same company, just with different logos. Thrifty, Dollar, and Avis at this counter, Hertz, Budget, and National at that counter. Not exactly the kind of thing that gets my motor oil pumping as it were. Really, Turo is my preferred rental method of choice, but for a recent trip to Minneapolis, Boring Airport Car Rental was the objectively better bet.
A Curated Middle America Car Rental
You can read a great piece about matching a car rental to your destination over at The Studio Journal. I love this take, and though my particular car was far less elegant than an Abarth 595, Taycan, or vintage Defender, you might say my ride was actually made for the trip.
The trip being middle America with long, wide-open highways. What better way to take it all in than that most American of vehicles - the pickup truck. In fairness, there was absolutely no practical purpose for going the truck route on this trip as we were simply shuttling around Minneapolis. But I’ve never owned a pickup, so why not?
Expecting a Ram 1500 - in honor of the Chrysler-focused events on hand for my weekend in Minneapolis - I received an update from Thrifty that it was going to be an “F-150 or similar”. Okay, I thought, at least it’ll be a truck. And it was, but it wasn’t your garden variety 1500-series.
It was a Ram 2500, painted fire engine red, and approximately the size of a house. When I rounded the rental parking lot counter to scan the row with my space number, I beheld a small fleet of the brutes. Thinking that couldn’t be right - because why would anyone rent a heavy duty from an airport - I got to the end of the line and found that it was indeed very right.
Driving 3 Tons Of Fun
The Ram 2500 with a crew cab and 6 ½ foot box is a BEHEMOTH. 20 feet long, just about 7 feet tall, 6 ½ feet wide, and weighing in somewhere north of 3 tons. It comes with side steps, which you really need to get in and also out. Otherwise, you basically fall off your seat onto the asphalt many….many feet below.
For reference, I drive a Mazda6 normally. It is 4 feet shorter, 2 ½ feet lower to the ground, and something like THREE THOUSAND POUNDS lighter. These are different vehicles. So, I’m not kidding when I tell you my first thought was to go back to the rental counter and make a trade. Why? Because the thought of piloting this commercial-sized truck down that spiraling parking garage exit had me sweating.
But I persevered in the interest of journalism. And maybe to see what happens when you stand on the go-pedal to send 400-plus torques into the barely loaded rear tires. Which is quite entertaining, I might add. In fact, the whole experience is entertaining.
For one thing, you’re riding higher than just about everyone else on the road, and the view over your shoulder through the immense rear windows is panoramic. The downside is that you could practically drive over a Mazda Miata and not even notice.
Don’t Take Your 20-Foot-Long Truck To Black Stack Brewing
Other pros: The cabin is cavernous with legroom for miles and all the shoulder spread-out space you could ask for. Wireless smartphone mirroring is a wonder of modern technology to troglodytes like myself who choose to avoid giant touchscreens in their cars. Oh, and you could probably relocate the Truro lighthouse from its eroding cliff perch thanks to the pulling power of these Rams.
Which is neat. But - and no surprise here - the big red Ram is not a great choice for cruising around a city like Minneapolis with your sights set on beer. Specifically, Black Stack Brewing. I was already a big fan of the beers this brewery makes, but it turns out that name is pretty literal.
As in, there is a giant smokestack rising from the brewery parking lot to the heavens. It’s actually at the end of the parking lot. A parking lot with only one combined entrance and exit. So, were you to say, drive all the way into the lot with hopes of finding an empty space, the only way back out would be around that black stack.
Some say the only way out is through. In this case, I hoped to get through without caving in this ancient tower of masonry using my shiny red elephant on wheels. With the father unit on spotting duty and an employee taking their break watching warily, I put all my Austin Powers skills to the test and performed a 47-point turn. Both truck and stack escaped unscathed, though I did need to change my undergarments afterward.
Next Time, Rent The Ram
The Ram 2500 is a truck with a purpose, one that clearly revolves around pulling and hauling heavy things. Outside of that, I can’t imagine why you’d want to drive one of the land barges on the regular. The steering is connected to the wheels via day-old spaghetti, the ride is like a bounce house full of caffeinated toddlers, and the gas mileage? Not great.
That said, it is a cool truck, if just for its impressive girth and throaty V8. So, the next time you’re renting a car, take a look to see if there’s a pile of heavy dutys in the lot. It’ll be worth it for the stories alone.